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| Hey Taylor, I love your songs! They are so personal and full of details, which some of them described the things that happened to me or even in my imagination. Exactly like I am writing to you now. You know what? I haven't update my xanga for soo soo long. It's because I don't know what to write on there. I don't know what to write isn't because I don't think about things or my life enough. In fact I think about it too much and it is considerably hard to put it into words and put it down right here. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend this summer just before term starts. It sucks.It takes me a while to get used to it and the process is painful. In my first year of Uni I had him to share everything with me. ops, in a way I talk to him over uni things all the time. He is not in Uni anymore so I guess I bored him most of the time. I always imagine all the romantic things that would happen on me and because I think about it too much, I am always soo disappointed when things didn't happen the same ways as I wanted it to. It's okay, it's over now and we are friends, although I secretly hope one day me and him can be back together, by the time he'll be nice to me, he cares about me the most and pay lots and lots of attention on me when I am older. I think this is probably not gonna happen. I am learning guitar right now, and the first song that I can play is "our song". You always describe it so perfectly but you know that it's only that perfect for the moment when you are so happy about it. Then things happen, then you are feeling down again and those nice pictures are RUINed. I only had received roses from 3 boys. One I had weird relationship with him. ( weird as it is sooo abnormal. ) and the second one I had it from I boy that I don't like. I almost hate him to be honest. The last one I got it from one of my ex and he was obsessed with me. He was soo scary. I just hope that I can get flowers from a boy who I like and that he'll always be there for me and gives flowers to me. Obviously I want flowers from my boyfriend but he says " I am the be nice to you guy rather than buy things for you guy." He gave me a t-shirt from stonehenge though. It black, with blue pattern. Not girly at all and I don't like it but still I said I like it because I don't want him to stop giving me presents and I want him to think about me more. I am over the age that I don't live with parents anymore so I don't have to sneak out at night. My boyfriend tab on my window whenever he visits. This is such a scary thing! My bed is right next to the window and so when I hear some noises, probably from upstairs or outside, I thought its him. That drives me mad you know? it makes me look forward to his visit so much. I want to see him but he is not tabbing on my window. I talked to him that I don't get to see him enough and he said we are seeing eachother too much. He said if we see eachother too often I will then get annoyed so much by his flaw. He said he wants me to like him. gosh.. seriously I don't understand how male's brain operate. Edd and his housemate came over last night for some drinks. He's keep asking me whether I like Jardine or not. Well, Jardine is nice. But I didn't even realise his existence before he starts sending me attention seeking text messages. then people say he likes me. and he start texting me flirty text messages. He says he wants me so much all the time. Then I start imagining what it'll be like if I am really dating him. Am I really bad? But I am honestly really happy that someone keeps telling me how much he wants me. It makes me feel that I am important to him sometimes. Sometimes I don't think that, I would think he is saying that just because he wants to get into my pants. Once he got it, he won't cherish me then. Perhaps this applies to all guys. I don't know. Hmm... it's getting a bit cold in my room. I should turn the heating on. It's really nice to write to you. Hope people won't find me insane, talking to a country singer in my imagination. xxx Katie | | |
| Now they have moved back to where po po lives, and he is travelling for work everywhere. Even though I just want to send a postcard back home, I don't know where is home. Everyone is suffering, I just feel like a homeless person. Don't know where is called home. Once upon a time, I was there hoping I could live in my pink room, with both of you next room. There was a red hello kitty blanket on the floor as the matress so I can sleep on the floor, in the same room with mum and dad. There was a window that I can see the quay, I wished I can stay there everyday, not just the weekends. Then I eventually moved in and I have a little brother who shared the attentions of you. Me and my brother have a love-hate relationship, sometimes I found him cute, lovable, most of the time annoying. Im never a good sister, since Im always manic to him. Then we moved, away to a bigger place. i thought that is a better place.However, everyone has more space, so we then lived in our own world. In my world I pretend I have a sweet warm family, I am proud to say there's always someone in the house. They are caring, they love me and will always protect me. I lived in a greenhouse in my imagination, but the bubble was never there. the fact is, I am a wild child, I do what I like and they are there to watch and judge. Im like a bird that has already flown away. Time pass by, the bubble has shrink, and I cannot stand a cage. My imagination is no longer strong enough to fake the happiness. Perhaps I was never happy, neither do you. Any of you. You ever told me to be truthful to myself. I am still not doing it. The truth is too rough to handle, too tough to face. | | |
| Have you planted something in my heart? Full of sweetness and sometimes sour. You have started it and how can I end my misery of missing you? Nothing could last forever but perhaps we could make it last longer. Although I know there are beginning and ending for everything, there are times that I don't want to let go. | | |
| I miss my mum and dad and my brother and my grandma, and Lolly....... I miss home so much, wish I am there now. Back in my room, throw my worn clothes on the piano top, sit in front of my desk and stare outside of the window. I used to run around my house, for food, for books, for phone calls. I used to shout to get everything from my little brother. I am so used to be shouted by my mum for simply little things... hear my grandma moans, hear my dad doing some gardening work upstairs... especially the noise of him moving pots and plants around. I miss having noodles from Lolly and Grandma whenever I am hungry... Awwwww... I want to be at HOME. | | |
| The Gay Pride
We had a brighton trip on last Saturday but still as usual, we went out on a Friday night. Actually... I can hardly remember what we did on that night but one thing that I am pretty certain is that I was so wasted. 
Saturday morning I feel unbelievably rough. For those who ever had hangover would understand what I meant perfectly. Plus, it was raining.
I handed out some leaflets to students on the coach then I fell asleep straight away. It was almost at the second that my bum touched the seat.
Oh now I remember it was Viktor's birthday on Friday so we went Jesters. Anyway back to the brighton trip, we headed down to the funfair thing, Viktor decided to risk his little life after his 18th birthday on this scary roller coaster. People, this is a "booster" located right on the edge of the Pier.
Then Gary arrived but he had a headache... not sure whether that's a serious pain, I still feel pretty sorry for him driving down there in early morning. We went shopping for a while, got myself a really nice pair of boots and a lovely top. I absolutely adore the shops over there and also loads of graffiti around. 
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